Monday, January 5, 2009

Is Velveeta Cheese considered to be a healthy dairy product?

Dear Gabby,

My New Year's Resolution was to begin eating a healthier diet. My doctor instructed me to choose a balanced diet including the basic food groups.

Please clear something up for me. Is Velveeta cheese a healthy dairy product? Is it really a CHEESE?

What exactly is it, and how can I incorporate it into my daily diet?

Thank you in advance for sharing your wisdom.

Hungry in 2009

Dear Hungry,

After much research, I wanted to share my findings with you.
According to :

"Technically it's not cheese. It's a manufactured product made of vegetable oil, modified milk solids, flavorings, stabilizers, seaweed extracts and other chemicals that allow it it to melt and stay stable in conditions that real (natural) cheeses would not. Look at the label. It says "processed cheese food", not just cheese."

I then went to my refrigerator and found that the very LAST ingredient listed on the package was "Cheese culture", hinting that a microscopic amount of cheese may be present.

"Microscopic" is good enough for me! I say yes, it qualifies!

The biggest health benefit to Velveeta cheese is it's comforting powers when added to various starches. Proven to reduce stress in all Velveeta partakers studies, the product's power to elevate serotonin levels in lab mice was unprecedented.

Although outlawed in many foreign countries, I feel that it has been one of the most underrated food products of our time.

Great for those who battle with depression, or have problems with relationships in general. A good home cooked meal of Velveeta and__________ (you fill in the blank) will keep your mind at ease and will put a smile on the faces of those around your dinner table.

So depending on how you define "healthy", I say go ahead an indulge. Add it to healthy chicken soup, put chunks of it into your low fat salad. Grill a piece between 2 slices of weight watcher's bread if you're counting calories. Nachos ,salsa and Velveeta ,if you're feeling saucy, top a healthy baked potato with melted cheese. If you are having colon troubles, add some broccoli for the fiber.

Hungry..It's ALL GOOD!

Enjoy your 2009!

*Please consult your physician, psychiatrist and possibly a pastor before attempting to follow ANY recommendations by Dear Gabby. This blog site or any of its affiliates are not responsible for weight gain, or other related health or mental issues damaged by following the tips by this poster.

Anyone have a food/health/diet question that YOU need to find an answer to?

Or any other question for that matter?


sherri said...

Dear Gabby,

I have a confession to make, and also need some avice.

I am a recovering Velveeta addict (2 hours) and am starting to feel the urge to splurge again!

I pack Velveeta moments into my day so I don't ever have to be without.

For breakfast, Velveeta in my scrambled eggs.

Mid-morning snack? Velveeta on crackers.

Lunch? Grilled (OOZY) Velveeta cheese.

Mid-afternoon snack?
AN apple with a cube of Velveeta.

Supper? Velveeta CHeesy chicken

Late night snack? Nahos and Veveeta.

My favorite color is now orange.

I turned my chocolate fountain into a running Velveeta cheese fountain (I just put my tongue under the flow...sooooo good!)

If Velveeta were a man, I'd have to leave Big Al and run off with Vel. No other man/cheese has ever made me feel the way Vel does.

It's that bad. Can you help?

Gabby said...

Dear SHerri,

I did check out some nice little respites for those battling with food addictions, where you can go through a rigorous course on behavior modification to curb your cravings, with drill sargeants hovering over you watching your every move.

They are costly ,and and long term success rates were not very high.

But before I see your chubby cheeks crying with your family on an episode of INTERVENTION, my best advise would be, to SLOWLY cut down on the serving sizes of your Velveeta.

Then, maybe leave out only one of your Velveeta snack times.

Then scale back to where you are a 1/2 lb. a day consumer, then gradually cut back the ounces till they are no longer fighting for space with the blood in your arteries.

I must admit, Vel and I shared a strong love connection at one time, and I still see him from time to time, however, I've decided that a little Vel can go a long way.

Everything in moderation.

Bon Appetite!


Cheryl said...

why put powder on macaroni when Vel's around?

wv- prife.... Velveeta cheese, the prife of life.

Gabby said...

Dear Cheryl,

Just from your statement,

I sense you are a fellow sufferer/lover of Vel.
(I'm very observant. Not much gets by me.)

It's Okay. You're among friends!

Remember, everything in moderation.

*That Vel sure gets around, doesn't he?

Katherine said...

Dear Gabby,
I am not an experienced blog-follower, so it may be that everybody else knows the answer to this. I want to ask "Dear Gabby" a question, but I can't figure out where to do so on your home page. Please don't be offended that this is a non-Velveeta-related post.

wv: "upbut" My body's upbut I'm still asleep.

Gabby said...

Dear Katherine,
You may leave a question/comment on the most recent post in the comment section, regardless of the nature of the question. (Just leave the reference to the past post)

You're in the right place.

Thanks for visiting, looking forward to hearing your question.


Mare said...

I'm not sure there is anyone on the planet who feels as vel deprived as this girl does...but a chocolate replaced with cheese fountain? I'm so thankful you are here to help Sherri. She clearly needs your loving guidance.

I'm here to say, as one who once new vel but does no longer, that there is hope for her...for everyone else like her. Yes, I've been vel free for about 6 months now. It's been hard. I've suffered from serious withdrawls, but it's true that God sustains.

Stay strong my friends...stay strong.

Helen said...

Ode to Velveeta

Some say you are cheesy,
but at least you are not sleezy.
I love the way you melt,
these emotions are heartfelt.
Who cares if others stare
for with whom else can I share
all food groups without care?
Don't think I am uncouth
as I describe your texture as smooth
you, Velveeta, are the color of sunshine.
How my heart would pine
If you were to be led astray
and throw this love of mine away.
No one understands me like you, Vel
let the naysayers go to .....heck (Just can't close the deal on that one, sorry)

Okay, the poem stinks. We can't all be creative like Katdish.

wv dersele-a German sea animal. He is kept next to diepengvin.

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

Velveeta cheese:

Also known as the primary proof to Europeans that we Americans are in fact uncivilized.

I prefer cheddar myself. Oooh, if I could dip it in caramel...

Sorry. Momentary lapse.

WV: hamsbu
How Velveeta describes itself:
"How can you not love me? I'm macaroni's BFF and hamsbu."

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

I have a question:

See, there's this friend of mine who can't keep a secret. I told her about my most embarrassing moment overseas, and she went blabbing it on other blogs. Oh, I know she didn't mention me by name, but still - she betrayed my confidence. I don't think I can be friends with her (her name rhymes with jellin') anymore.

She knows why.

WV: piterza
"I piterza fool who blabs my secret all over the internets, (...JELLIN)!"

Gabby said...

Dearest Mare,

I don't know much about you, but I can sense from your letter of concern for your friend SHerri ( delightful girl, I might add) , that you are a very caring soul.

A brave soul as well. How you have managed to stay away from Vel for six long months is inspirational to Vel addicts worldwide!

I am very proud of you.

Now, in my researching of who you are, I have heard through the grapevine that a friend is actually sending VEL to Nigeria for your enjoyment!


You will now be forced, like never before , to practice Discipline in eating.
From what I've been reading about your diet lately, Vel should be a welcome addition!

ALso, I did research and Vel has never been linked to Maria Malaria.

However, it DOES NOT taste very good on goat's head or periwinkles.

Thank you for seeking my wisdom, kind Mare.


Gabby said...

Dear Helen,

The poetry was just lovely.

I know of a certain young man that plays in a rock band (was also recently in ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE!) and I'm sending the song to him to see if THE BLACK FORTYS will record it.

You , of course, will get writing credit.

STick with me, Dear Helen.

I know People.



Gabby said...

Step @ RED Clay,

I'm sure that "her name ryhmes with jellin" meant no harm, just got carried away in the moment.

I would address her with this issue though, before she spreads the details of your incident to even more blog pals, lurkers or casual passersby.

For reasons such as this, are why you should never divulge secrets to lay people. They are not held to a higher oathe to protect your information such as I, a blog advice column genious would be.

In the future ,dear Steph @ red clay, bring ME all your secrets.

Your secrets will be SAFE with me.


Mare said...

Dear Gabby,

Your advice just made my day. Not only did you remind me that it's not over between me and Vel forever (which is enough to make my day in itself), you happen to be quite funny.
How thankful I am that my steadfast love for Vel will not end with Maria. Sweeter words could not be spoken..or typed...or even type-oed.

Annie K said...

Dear Gabby,

If I eat as much velveeta as you will I turn orangishy-yellow?

Anonymous said...


Gabby said...

Dear Mare.

Thank you for your kind words.
I'm glad my little bit of encouragement made your day!

Annie K,

If you were to turn an orangy yellow, would it really be all that bad?

"Red and YELLOW, black and white (and Orange) they are PRECIOUS in HIS sight....:

Anonymous--were you cursing at me?

A really bad typo?

What was that?


Cold Piggies said...

Dear Gabby,

i need your help, I have kinda big feet and I need to know where I can buy colored socks. Please help.

Gabby said...

Dear Cold Piggies,

My research shows that you can buy Large women's socks at Walmart now. You don't even have to shop in the men's section anymore!

(I hope someone did not hurt your feelings in the past by asking if you were able to buy regular woman's socks. If so, "I'm sorry".)

Embrace your large feet. They get you where you're going and that's enough.

May it always be said of you that others following after will have some pretty big shoes to fill!

It's actually a compliment.