Friday, January 30, 2009

Who WIll WIn?

Dear Gabby,

You seem to know alot about very many different subjects, and I value your wisdom.

I have a large sum of money resting on this SUper Bowl game on Sunday, and I thought before I make it Official,I would ask your opinion.

Who do you think will win the SUper Bowl game on Sunday and why?


A gambling Football Fan in Vegas

Dear Gambling Fan,

First of all, I am not promoting gambling as It has been known to cause many problems in families and then counseling is needed and I'm already overloaded with patients, so I don't need the extra work. Really.

But I do believe that the team that will win this year's Super Bowl will be....

The team that scores the most points before the final clock runs out!


Because that is the rule.

I hope this helped.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Not a Fat Boy Lover

Dear Gabby,

A friend has a husband who is old and doesn't have much money but has found a Harley Davidson Motorcycle (a "Fat Boy") that he has dreamed of owning all of his life.

He wants to purchase it, as he thinks it's a great bargain, but is coming to his wife (a WONDERFUL lady, I might add) not for her approval, but for her blessing before he purchases it.

She will not say NO, as that is not her place, but she can't give her blessing due to the financial strains it will place on their budget and also the dangerous aspects of an old man driving the bike of his dreams.

Can you help me, I mean her?

Not a Fat Boy Lover

Dear Not a Fat Boy Lover,

You sound as though you are a very wise wife, I mean "friend", and are somewhat sensitive to your husband's, I mean friend's husbands dreams.

You make a couple of very good points though.

Would part of his dream include being late on payments and ruining your credit during these very difficult times our country is experiencing right now?

Would a part of his dream be spending time in the hospital repairing body parts that crazy drivers have damaged when they claim "he came out of no where!" ?

I would suggest that before your husband, I mean friend purchases it, he would write down a financial plan specifying the details of how he will pay for it, and what his second job will be if the economy stays the way it is, and times get even harder on everyone.

Oh, and make sure to "up" his insurance...medical and life BEFORE he purchases the motorcycle.

*You may benefit from a dear friend's post, "A Grown Boy and a Fat Boy" on A Matter of Fact blog site (you make click on this site on my side bar).

Funny, you sound very familiar....

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Busting out at the seams!

Dear Gabby,

I need to know what to do.

None of my clothes fit anymore.

Each season when I remove my clothes from their storage bins, they do not fit- they are now a size too small!

I have no extra money to buy a new wardrobe, but I don't want to walk around in ill fitting clothes either.

What should I do?

Busting out at the seams

Dear Busting,

Sue the Rubbermaid company!

Obviously there's a defect in their product causing your clothes to shrink.

I'm sure it would have nothing to do with possible weight gain or the need to exercise.

*Please let me know if this works, because I've been experiencing the same problem with their faulty products!


Sunday, January 11, 2009

If my mute son swears...what should I do?

Dear Gabby,

My son is mute, but is fluent in sign language.

My problem is that lately, I have seen him swearing! He has been spelling out curse words with his hands!

How can I make it stop? I feel helpless.

What should I do?

Helpless in Seattle

Dear Helpless,

I think there is but one thing you can do.

Wash his hands with soap!


Friday, January 9, 2009

Am I Right?

Dear Gabby,

When I was small, I favored my left hand when it came to writing, sports, eating, etc.

My parents, teachers and other misguided, bossy taller people always would demand that I change the hand I was using and forced me to be a "righty".

Deep down I feel I'm a "lefty" . I want to go over to the left, but I fear I would be ridiculed and ostracized.

Why do you think they did this to me, and do you think it's Okay to change positions now, after all these years?

Please, share your wisdom,

LEFT out in the cold, in Alabama

Dear Left Out,

Upon researching this troubling trend of older bossy people thinking the being a LEFTY was a curse, I found a support group for such people. (If you email me privately I will share it with you). They are still sort of "underground" and they still fear being Outed, and forced to go right.

I would hope that you would google "Famous Left-handed People" as I did , where you will find a WEALTH of information and a list of THOUSANDS of brilliant leftys who have changed our world.

Then copy the list and send it to every older bossy person that made you change and attach a hand written note that says, "Thanks alot! I COULD have been on this list!"

Just for starters, I'm listing a few past presidents (from the far left and right) who were leftys. Yeah, you could have been president!

Left-Handed U.S. Presidents
James A. Garfield
Herbert Hoover
Harry S. Truman
Gerald Ford
Ronald Reagan
George H.W. Bush
Bill Clinton

Hope your make a sharp left turn. Left is where all the creative brilliance in our universe lives.

(a lefty, of course!)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

"Dear Gabby, Why can't Momma and Me find my Mrs. Right?"

If you have a problem or question that you would like Dear Gabby to address, simply click on the "comments" below to leave your message. Read the intro on the right for more information.

Dear Gabby,

I'm a single male wanting to find my Mrs. Right to share my life with.

Momma says I have a lot to offer some lucky young lady!

She says that I'm the smartest man she has ever met. (Momma was a great teacher!)

She knows I'm a good worker, as my job is taking care of her. She's not ill or anything, I could just rather work for her than going out into the work force.

She says I'm very polite and keep my room straightened.

We can't wait to find a girl to spend the rest of our lives with.

Do you have any tips on how I can finally meet and keep that special someone in my life?

Momma's Boy, Podunk Illinois.

Dear Momma's boy.

Here's my best advice.

First, go into the kitchen.

Find the kitchen scissors. Find your Momma's apron. Cut the strings off of it.

Put them back where you found them.

Kiss Momma on the forehead, tell her you love and will miss her.

Change your name.

Don't call yourself "Momma's Boy." Ever again.

Please get back with me and let me know how it all worked out.

I will offer to pay for some therapy for you as well.

Just don't bring "Momma".


Monday, January 5, 2009

Is Velveeta Cheese considered to be a healthy dairy product?

Dear Gabby,

My New Year's Resolution was to begin eating a healthier diet. My doctor instructed me to choose a balanced diet including the basic food groups.

Please clear something up for me. Is Velveeta cheese a healthy dairy product? Is it really a CHEESE?

What exactly is it, and how can I incorporate it into my daily diet?

Thank you in advance for sharing your wisdom.

Hungry in 2009

Dear Hungry,

After much research, I wanted to share my findings with you.
According to :

"Technically it's not cheese. It's a manufactured product made of vegetable oil, modified milk solids, flavorings, stabilizers, seaweed extracts and other chemicals that allow it it to melt and stay stable in conditions that real (natural) cheeses would not. Look at the label. It says "processed cheese food", not just cheese."

I then went to my refrigerator and found that the very LAST ingredient listed on the package was "Cheese culture", hinting that a microscopic amount of cheese may be present.

"Microscopic" is good enough for me! I say yes, it qualifies!

The biggest health benefit to Velveeta cheese is it's comforting powers when added to various starches. Proven to reduce stress in all Velveeta partakers studies, the product's power to elevate serotonin levels in lab mice was unprecedented.

Although outlawed in many foreign countries, I feel that it has been one of the most underrated food products of our time.

Great for those who battle with depression, or have problems with relationships in general. A good home cooked meal of Velveeta and__________ (you fill in the blank) will keep your mind at ease and will put a smile on the faces of those around your dinner table.

So depending on how you define "healthy", I say go ahead an indulge. Add it to healthy chicken soup, put chunks of it into your low fat salad. Grill a piece between 2 slices of weight watcher's bread if you're counting calories. Nachos ,salsa and Velveeta ,if you're feeling saucy, top a healthy baked potato with melted cheese. If you are having colon troubles, add some broccoli for the fiber.

Hungry..It's ALL GOOD!

Enjoy your 2009!

*Please consult your physician, psychiatrist and possibly a pastor before attempting to follow ANY recommendations by Dear Gabby. This blog site or any of its affiliates are not responsible for weight gain, or other related health or mental issues damaged by following the tips by this poster.

Anyone have a food/health/diet question that YOU need to find an answer to?

Or any other question for that matter?

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Is Beauty Only Skin Deep?

Don't I just look like the wisest ole' woman you've ever met?

Welcome to Day two of "Dear Gabby,".

I would advise each of my new readers to check out yesterday's post and read the advice/comments closely so you'll know what you are getting yourself into before you pose a question.

Although you may ask any question of me, I will try to give a catagory of the day for your questions to revolve around.

As always, feel free to add to the advice I offer to those who comment/leave a question, but you MUST leave your name if you offer advice.

Anyone seeking my great wisdom, may sign in anonymously if you wish.

*Disclaimer: Dear Gabby will not be held responsible for any failed marriages, relationships or any other mishaps due to any advice given on this site!



Having problems with the bad hair day that's hung around for like a decade now?
Need a tip on applying your makeup while driving?
Need to learn how to walk in stilletos so people will look up to you?

Any beauty questions you may have, I will try to answer them for you.

(Be patient now, it's Monday, I will have to work, so questions will be answered before and after work and on my lunch hour. You will, however, always receive an answer within 24 hours!)

I'm here for you.

Pick my brain.

Welcome to Dear Gabby

Are you having problems with your spouse?
Your House? A MOUSE in the House? Is your neighbor a louse?

Well, don't despair! "Gabby" will find an answer for you!

It may not the be the correct answer, the best answer, or the most intelligent answer, but rest assured, by the end of the day, YOU WILL HAVE AN ANSWER! (It probably will not be spelled correctly, but hey. How desperate are you?)

Give me some of your toughest questions and I will try to find the answer (and may learn a little bit myself, along the way !)

Questions about relationships, religion, politics, home remedies, recipes, parenting, music, decorating, career, makeovers, diet and health, etc. are welcome.

BUT PLEASE, for your own good, NO MATH QUESTIONS! Or questions about technology, why men think the way they do, car problems, spelling questions or anything about wild game.

I will do all I can to help.
What I don't know, I'll research. What I can't find, I'll make up!

Well, maybe at least I can steer you in the right direction to let someone else answer your question.

Feel like you can add to my answer?

Feel free to chime in!

Looking forward to hearing from you!