Friday, January 9, 2009

Am I Right?

Dear Gabby,

When I was small, I favored my left hand when it came to writing, sports, eating, etc.

My parents, teachers and other misguided, bossy taller people always would demand that I change the hand I was using and forced me to be a "righty".

Deep down I feel I'm a "lefty" . I want to go over to the left, but I fear I would be ridiculed and ostracized.

Why do you think they did this to me, and do you think it's Okay to change positions now, after all these years?

Please, share your wisdom,

LEFT out in the cold, in Alabama



Dear Left Out,


Upon researching this troubling trend of older bossy people thinking the being a LEFTY was a curse, I found a support group for such people. (If you email me privately I will share it with you). They are still sort of "underground" and they still fear being Outed, and forced to go right.

I would hope that you would google "Famous Left-handed People" as I did , where you will find a WEALTH of information and a list of THOUSANDS of brilliant leftys who have changed our world.

Then copy the list and send it to every older bossy person that made you change and attach a hand written note that says, "Thanks alot! I COULD have been on this list!"

Just for starters, I'm listing a few past presidents (from the far left and right) who were leftys. Yeah, you could have been president!

Left-Handed U.S. Presidents
James A. Garfield
Herbert Hoover
Harry S. Truman
Gerald Ford
Ronald Reagan
George H.W. Bush
Bill Clinton


Hope your make a sharp left turn. Left is where all the creative brilliance in our universe lives.

Gabby
(a lefty, of course!)

27 comments:

Helen said...

It is to late for me....but you all go save yourselves...

Gabby said...

Dear Helen,
It's never too late.
You can still change directions if you truly feel as if you are a lefty in your heart.

Email me for the support group location. There is one in your area.(FIWALA)FIRST I WAS A LEFTY ANONYMOUS. They are wonderful people making great strides toward to their lefty independence.

They have both an occupational and physical therapist on site for the rehabilitative services that would strengthen your left hand.

THERE IS HOPE, Dear Helen, there is always hope!

Don't get "LEFT behind",

Gabby

Beth said...

Dear Gabby,

Long time reader, first time commenter (okay second).

I've heard it said that left handed people are the only ones in their right minds. Is this true? Can you give us proof of this phenomenon?

Thanks for all your help.

katdish said...

Dear Gabby:

My friend Sherri keeps bugging me to come visit her new blog, but when I click one of the links on her sidebar, it tells me "herri.blogsite.com" is not a valid address.

Gabby, I've really been trying not to make fun of my friend Sherri, but at this point it's like she's wearing a giant cyber "KICK ME" sign and daring everyone not to.

Signed,

Perplexed

Anonymous said...

Hi-didilly-ho Gabbarino!

As past owner of the Leftorium, a mall store devoted solely to products catering to left-handed people, I am glad someone is standing up for the RIGHTS of us LEFTYS. Ha-didilly-ha!

Okilly-dokilly-doo!

Ned Flanders

katdish said...

good one, Steph (or Helen)(or Beth)(but probably Steph)

Anonymous said...

Dear Gabby,

I have too many friends. All these people in cyberspace want to be my friend and then my friends in real life want me to pay attention and look at and listen to them and stuff.

They don't even like it when I comment on blogs while we're out for coffee.

How can I get my in-real-life friends to get off my back?

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

Katdish,

It wasn't ME! Do you think this means that YET ANOTHER personality has reared her gorgeous-yet-vertically-challenged head?

Nah. She's not that funny. It was probably Beth or Helen.

Gabby said...

Dear Beth,

Yes leftys are the only ones in their right minds, but as far as proving this ...well, it's much like faith.

You must just believe.

Look around you. The high tech cyber world is filled with examples of brilliant leftys in their right mind.

9 of 11 of the disciples were leftys, or so biblical historians tell us.

Truly though, you must look around and let the lefty people themselves answer this question for you.
Observe the phenomenom and you will find the proof that you're looking for.

I am certain that soon, leftys will take over the world!

The new theme for the lefty movement is "I don't want to be right".(I'm a lefty)

T-shirts will soon be made available.

Thank you for your curiosity ,
and if you need to order a shirt or other lefty items, please contact me.

Gabby

Gabby said...

Dear perplexed,

Just enjoy your delightful friend and have fun at her expense!

But at least offer up a prayer or two as she could use the support of her cyber friends.

*I must say, that I also laughed aloud when I read your comment about her goofy mistake. (Bless her heart.)

Thank you for at least trying to handle her in a Godly manner.

You never poke fun at her in a public setting or on cyber space for the world to see do you?

Do you?

Gabby

Beth said...

Seriously, I had a left-handed notebook once with the spiral on the OTHER side and it was AWESOME.

katdish said...

Steph - Did you catch how Gabby just totally ignored our comments and only addressed Beth? What's up with that? I had a legitimate question that I needed advice on!

Gabby said...

Dear Ned,

Why do you say PAST owner?

You LEFT the store to close its doors?

Was something just not right?

Do tell.

Gabby

Gabby said...

Katdish, give me some time. It takes awhile to do the vast amount of research required to reaearch these deep, though provoking questions.

And then there's my typing skills...

My intro says you will receive an answer within 24 hours!

Looks like my answer came the same time your were bugging me for it.

Patience my dear Katdish, parience.

Gabby

Gabby said...

Dear Anonymous,

I too find myself in your same situation being tugged and pulled by cyber friends and my hometown friends.

Then my job and husband, family etc.,all needing quality Gabby time.

Just tell your other friends to start emailing you if they need more of your time.

I bought my Hubby a laptop for Christmas and now we are having much better "quality" time together. He emails little sayings from the other room, like "I'm REALLY hungry! Could you stop long enough to make dinner?"

So , of course I do.(I'm VERY submissive that way.)

Then the next email comes. "Gabby, I think I smell dinner burning! Do you mind getting off the computer and staying in the kitchen with dinner until it's done?"

Yeah, he's a control freak!

But people without control issues will probably appreciate your suggestion.

I hope this great idea helps.

Let me know how it all turns out.

Gabby

Beth said...

I gave up the Leftorium to open Praiseland, my theme park devoted to God! My dear departed wife, Maude, would have wanted me to do that. It was the RIGHT thing to doodley-do!

Love the bloggidilly!

Ned

Annie K said...

Dear Gabby,

I was confused while reading your response to Katdish. You told her 'patience my dear Katdish, parience'. Is parience a code word for something only you and Katdish know? It's not in the dictionary.

And why is Katdish blogging about monkey sex? Is she into some weird cult? Do we need to intervene? Should I contact the producers of the TV show Intervention or do they only do drug/alcohol interventions and not cult interventions? Or is 'monkey sex' a code word for drugs? So maybe she is a candidate for Intervention? I'm thinking we should act pretty quickly. She needs our help.

Sincerely,
Buzzed by Annie

Helen said...

Beth, I doodidilly like your comment.

Gabby said...

Dear Beth,

I'm very disturbed about something.

You signed in as Beth, but you used the name "Ned". Are you a man or woman?
You reffred to your WIFE Maude, as you signed in under the name BETH, but say you opened this Christian themed park....

Please clarify.

Gabby

Gabby said...

Dear Annie K,

"Parience" is what I consider to be "Gabberdash".

The free world may refer to it as a typo, misspell,someone not rereading their comment before hitting "send", ignorance, ...but they are the ones ignorant of the new GABBERDASH bubonics.(However you spell that word, I'm too tired to look it up!)

Gaberdash will be catching on worldwide as my trademark Gabberdash has been introduced to millions through my kajillion comments on various blog sites.

The gabberdashing is receiving quite a following as people everywhere are talking about it!

Soon , my friend, you'll be gabberdashing too! It's fun! Play along! Don't wait for the board game!




As far as the "katdish the cult leader goes", I stumbled upon her site through a dear friend's blog site,(http://matteroffactsite.blogspot.com)a fantastic site, I might add.

I too was VERY concerned and tried reaching out to her, to no avail.

A few of my observations:

1. If you need a sign in your yard that says "We are NOT a cult", guess what? You probably are.

2. She is very controlling and uses rambling , extremely long sentences, jumping back and forth from subject to subject in order to confuse her readers/followers/cult members.
(Being as observant as I am, I caught on to that ploy early on.)

3. Look at the title of her post.
It mentions the chicken, and the fact that she can't even keep her thoughts focused if a chicken were to cross the road nearby.
Why is that clue important you may ask?

*The "chicken" reference is representational of animal sacrifice, which I'm certain this cult practices. I know. VERY disturbing. I know I eat chicken, but that's different.

4. ********************* (I had to delete this one...she'll get mad and I raise chickens, and if one should turn up missing...)

5.Her constant "name dropping" of mega pastors is a smoke screen to lend credibility to her cult. DON'T fall for it!

6. If you are tempted and go to her site anyway, DON'T LOOK INTO THE WINDOW where she gives her own quote!(Yeah, I know. Millions of great philosophers out there, and she quotes herself!) Cults refer to that as the "window to the soul"! LOOK AWAY, or you'll start being distracted by innocent chickens before you know it!

I would "love her from a distance", and always keep her in your prayers. Whatever you do, DON'T VISIT HER SITE ("Hey, Look a Chicken"). She'll suck you in!
SHe has a "visitor counter" that actually is counting potential cult members and when you arrive at her site, all of your personal information is pulled from your file. Yeah, I know. I've been getting cult emails for awhile now.

As far as the "monkey sex" reference goes, I'm sorry, but I am a Christian blogger advice person, so I'm not even touching that one!

I will say this. Putting that phrase in her title makes me think that she is trying to get a new "type" of cult following (from those troubled by this perversion) when the unsuspecting try to google the term.

Cult leaders such at katdish, will stop at nothing.



Thank you for your concern, I hope I enlightened you.

Gabberdashing is here to stay!

Gabby

Beth said...

Haha. I was trying to be sneaky, but obviously I'm horrible at it!!!

:)

katdish said...

Dear Gabby,

While I must openly admit that my friend Sherri has moments of pure, unadulterated comedic genius (see katdish/cult comment), I fear that her alter ego has taken on a life of its own. I am picturing her in her role as pseudo-therapist (donning a lab coat and drug store reading glasses) setting her laptop on a pleather therapist's couch and, with clipboard and pencil in hand, nodding knowingly at it and saying things like "mmmm-hum" and "How's that working for you?"

I am concerned for Sherri, but more concerned for her husband Big Al, who has already been reduced to eating burnt food and/or frozen dinners. How can I help her?

Sincerely,

A concerned friend

Gabby said...

Dear cult leader katdish,

First let me say that I will not fall prey to your flattering comment of Sherri's comedic genious. I've watched the specials on Charlie Mansion. I know how you cult leaders work it. Start with a compliment....

Also, I can see that your "window to the soul" has already voyeristically peered into my office!

SEE PEOPLE...I TOLD YOU SO!

The pleather sofa was on sale at Wal-mart. I found it the day I as LOST in there for hours on end, while searching for my lost, nearly deaf mother.

The glasses, however, are REAL prescription ones that I wear, or don't wear depending on my outfit that day.

I only wear the labcoat for serious patients that need reassuring that I am a real therapist.

And thanks for worrying about Big Al, but no need to fret. We have Dominos on speed dial and there's always VELVEETA in the fridge for a quick cheese sandwich.
(Although I'm sure you already know what's in my fridge due to your "Window" peeking.There IS NO CHICKEN in there so don't get excited!

Please leave me alone, I don't want to sacrifice a chicken!

Beth said...

Charlie Mansion???

I'm gonna have to resort to a...

Snort!

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

Cults? When did this become a blog about cults?

I REBUKE the spirit of chickens, monkeys and, while we're at it, chicken foot necklaces. Oh, and dobermans.

WV: problers
Gabby, please stop allowing those culty people to bait you and start helping us problers. We need your wisdom. And mad editing skillz.

katdish said...

I was going to say something, but I think Beth pretty much covered it...

Helen said...

As they say in Kosher Mexican restaurants.......Oy Caramba!