Wednesday, January 7, 2009

"Dear Gabby, Why can't Momma and Me find my Mrs. Right?"

If you have a problem or question that you would like Dear Gabby to address, simply click on the "comments" below to leave your message. Read the intro on the right for more information.





Dear Gabby,

I'm a single male wanting to find my Mrs. Right to share my life with.

Momma says I have a lot to offer some lucky young lady!

She says that I'm the smartest man she has ever met. (Momma was a great teacher!)

She knows I'm a good worker, as my job is taking care of her. She's not ill or anything, I could just rather work for her than going out into the work force.

She says I'm very polite and keep my room straightened.

We can't wait to find a girl to spend the rest of our lives with.

Do you have any tips on how I can finally meet and keep that special someone in my life?

Momma's Boy, Podunk Illinois.



Dear Momma's boy.

Here's my best advice.

First, go into the kitchen.

Find the kitchen scissors. Find your Momma's apron. Cut the strings off of it.

Put them back where you found them.

Kiss Momma on the forehead, tell her you love and will miss her.

Change your name.

Don't call yourself "Momma's Boy." Ever again.

Please get back with me and let me know how it all worked out.

I will offer to pay for some therapy for you as well.

Just don't bring "Momma".

Sincerely,
Gabby

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like this dude watched Adam Sandlers "Water Boy" one too many times. I mean it is a great movie, one of my favorites but you should'nt live it. Or he is one of those kids that was on 20/20 last week that was breast fed until puberty.

sherri said...

Dear Anonymous,

Yes, the "Water Boy" movie depicted a relationship that was not healthy for a grown son with his mother. The mother was too involved in every decision in her Adult son's life.

"Momma's Boy", in case you're still cheking out the comments on this site, I would advise you to rent/purchase this movie for an accurate depiction of WHAT NOT TO DO to gain friends and influence people/Mrs. Right.

As far as the 20/20 episode on Breast feeding one's children aged 6-11 goes, I must say those children will more than likely be in therapy in a few years, or coming to me for help.

I do NOT agree with the idea of continuing to breast-feed once a child can ask for it. Or remember it. Or has a full set of teeth.

Thank you for your observation.

Gabby

helen said...

Okaaaaaaaaaaaay. I think MB should start by getting a job that does not involve M. He should take steps to independence. Baby steps.
Speaking of babies, I will put my two cents here even though I don't have any. Babies I mean. I have two cents. Anyhow, I usually think a mom would be the best judge of when her child is ready to be weened, but the 6-11 years thing is way on the other side of ridiculous!

Gabby said...

Helen, you are wise, wise lady!

Feel free to offer your two cents anytime you have money to throw around!

Gabby

Janice said...

Dear Gabby,

Do you have any tips on how to handle pesky inlaws?

Gabby said...

Dear Janice,


Without knowing a few more details about your "pesky" inlaws, I'm not sure how to answer this fully.

Are they controlling? Intrusive?
Nosy? Cruel? Lazy? Hateful?

I can't give a specific answer without more details, but I would say handling pesky people in general has a few common tricks.

1. Just nod along to what ever they say. It doesn't mean you're listening, or taking any of their advice, you're simply nodding your head. How can they argue with that?

2. Never ask a favor from them. No matter how small the favor..."excuse me, could you reach the cup on the top shelf for me?", you'll owe them for the rest of your life! It's just not worth it.

3. Get rid of your phone or internet, and don't put a mailbox on your home. Stay in seclusion, coming out only at your leisure!
Send a periodic postcard from some place you visited, just to let them know you're fine.

Most pesky people/inlaws will take the hint.

If not, or if I didn't cover the root of the problem, family counseling would be in order. Preferably NOT on the Jerry Springer Show!

Hope this helps,

Gabby

DJ said...

Dear Gabby,
This is in reference to Janice's post. You should have included to NOT buy food they like, you know I have even threatened to dig a moat to keep you away!!!!!!
Love/Hate ya.

Gabby said...

Dear DJ,

Moats are pretty expensive to install, and then finding the live alligators adds even more to the expense.

Maybe just an electric fence would do the trick.

Thanks for your comment.

Gabby

Dish This! said...

KILL them! With kindness, I mean. Go overboard. Cut their roast beef for them if you have to. Not only will they avoid you, but you can tell your spouse "I have been doing everything I possibly can to reach out to them!" and know that by golly, you are telling the truth.
Remember when Jesus said to carry the pack for two miles if you are forced to carry it one mile. See? Even Jesus reccommends overkill to handle difficult situations. ;-) (Dear God, I am counting on it that you gave me this sense of humor because you want me to use it...)

wv. meatteria It is a cafeteria without coffee or carbs. Just all meat, all the time. With velveeta.

Gabby said...

Dish This,

You are very wise. Thank you for adding your advice.

Who could add to Jesus' advice anyway?

Even I would never.

Thanks for the tip, I hope Janice takes your advice.


Gabby