Thursday, April 2, 2009

Dear Gabby,

I have a friend who recently left a store without paying for a shirt she had dangling off her arm because she says "she forgot" it was there. She only remembered it was there when something snagged the shirt which caused her to look down and see it. However, at this point she was several stores away.

She did return to the first store to pay for it.

Then just a few stores away, while paying for some jewelry, she notices a LARGE PAIR OF GOLD PLATFORM SHOES resting on the same sticky arm!

She runs down to another store to pay for those shoes!

She's blaming the mental lapse on menopause or stress.

What do you think?

Sincerely,

Friend of Sticky Fingers

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Dear, Friend of Sticky Fingers,

I can only imagine the uncomfortable position you were placed in while "shopping" with this kleptomaniac..

Once....maybe.
Twice? You gotta' be kiddin' me!

She needs help IMMEDIATELY.

She needs to take some medication (by TAKE, I mean, get a prescription a PAY for it BEFORE leaving the pharmacy)for either early onset Alzheimer's, hormone replacement therapy or stress.

Only a medical doctor can make the final diagnosis.

(My license is fake, so they won't allow me to write cyber prescriptions but I do sometimes give my patients sugar pills.)

In the meantime, encourage her to shop from home and you might want to recommend a good lawyer in case of a relapse.

6 comments:

Helen said...

Give her a break. She needs to relax. She is over doing it, and it is catching up with her. She needs to forgive herself. If it was one of us, she would be sympathetic, and encourge us. She needs to be kind to herself.

katdish said...

Dear Gabby,

I agree with Helen.

The real issue here is the gold platform shoes. Seriously -- where does one wear gold platform shoes aside from the red light district?

GABBY said...

HELEN- THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR BEING SO UNDERSTANDING OUR DEAR FRIEND'S "PROBLEM".

KATDISH- I HEAR SHE'S FROM SO. ILLINOIS AND GOLD PLATFORM SHOES ARE ALL THE RAGE THERE. NOT WORTH STEALING THEM THOUGH.
SHE'LL BE WEARING THEM EVERYWHERE- I'VE JUST GOT THIS FEELING.
SECRETLY, SHE WANTS THOSE SKANKY DOLLS YOU ARE GIVING AWAY!

THANK YOU LADIES FOR YOUR CONCERN.

Helen said...

Gabby, honey, why are you shouting? Relax, chill, or you'll be as stressed as Sticky Fingers.

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

I, like Katdish, am more concerned about the platform shoes. But on a happier note, we now know who should really get the skank dolls.

And Gabby, we all can hear just fine. Put down the bullhorn.

Debbie said...

hmm..she did go back and pay for them?? maybe it was just a mental lapse..kind of like accidently locking your kid in the car..not that I have done that!!! LOL!!;)